


Love into the Light

by Paycheckgurl



Category: Torchwood
Genre: (no the temporary character death is not jack this time), (well except for when it is), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Audio 039: Dinner and a Show, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: s01e08 They Keep Killing Suzie, Episode: s01e11 Combat, Episode: s01e12 Captain Jack Harkness, Episode: s01e13 End of Days, Eventual Fix-It, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Present Tense, Romance, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, The Year That Never Was (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29346975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paycheckgurl/pseuds/Paycheckgurl
Summary: If Gwen’s being honest, the person on her team she wants, loves or could love at any rate, is Tosh. Smart and beautiful Toshiko. Tosh, who could be cold and calculating but is sweet and caring. Tosh, who saves the world in her quiet way. But Gwen is rarely honest with herself and locks it deep inside.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper & Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper & Jack Harkness, Gwen Cooper/Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper/Rhys Williams, Gwen Cooper/Toshiko Sato, Ianto Jones & Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Mary/Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper & Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper/Toshiko Sato
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9
Collections: Torchwood Fan Fests: 2021 Femslash Fest





	Love into the Light

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by the amazing Princessoftheworlds (thank you for beating this fic into shape, I'm sorry for what a mess it was). Remaining mistakes are my own.

It’s not really about Owen. He’s fun enough, and she enjoys her time with him. He’s good enough in bed, no better or no worse than Rhys at any rate. What it’s really about is having somewhere to go, someone to run to. Someone to process the terror she sees every goddamn day. 

She can’t tell Rhys. She won’t tell Rhys. It’s all about emotional release. 

She has Rhys. 

She sometimes has Owen. 

Owen’s free to go on the pull and pick up anyone he wants. 

It’s not about Owen. 

Because truthfully, there’s someone else on the team she loves. It’s not Jack. Well, she does love him; she just doesn’t think it’s a romantic kind of love. Maybe it sort of is; there’s some confusing feelings and an admittedly an attraction there, but it’s more of an emotional connection. More of a kind of strong love between friends that doesn’t feel easily definable in the world outside of Torchwood but, within its confines, makes perfect sense. 

It’s not Ianto, although she’s slowly starting to see him as a friend. A fellow Welshman that when she finally gets him talking, has a surprisingly soft heart under all that dry wit and is very attentive to the needs of others. 

No. If Gwen’s being honest, the person on her team she wants, loves or could love at any rate, is Tosh. Smart and beautiful Toshiko. Tosh, who could be cold and calculating but is sweet and caring. Tosh, who saves the world in her quiet way. But Gwen is rarely honest with herself and locks it deep inside. 

* * *

Tosh is Mary’s target. Her mark. Mary wants her because she’s Torchwood, because she’s the techie. Mary also wants her because she wants her. And Mary is the kind to take what she wants. She is not going to get objections. 

Tosh wants Mary because she’s the first person to show her romantic interest and actually appreciate her as a person, in a long time. And is very attractive. Intoxicating and alluring. 

The red flags surrounding Mary’s intentions start piling up, but at this point, Tosh is in deep. Mary is hers, and she is Mary’s. Because finally, someone has shown her love, the thing she so very much craves. 

Mary comments on the picture of Owen on her fridge, the fact she talked, and thought, about Owen from work. She can get over Owen for Mary. That’s surprisingly easy given how long she’s pined for him. Mary doesn’t comment about the other person she thinks and talks about. 

* * *

Love looks good on Tosh. The way she smiles and dresses differently, more confidently. It’s not for Gwen, and Gwen knows that.

Besides, Gwen is wrapped up in this...Owen thing. But Tosh has a brightness around her, a happiness. Gwen is trying to force that with Owen, to tease it out of him with her little jokes. Tosh wears it naturally. Tosh just projects loveliness when she’s happy. Gwen thinks about it constantly over the course of those few days. 

For better or for worse, those aren’t the thoughts Tosh reads. 

* * *

The thing about watching Owen and Gwen, Toshiko decides, is that the twisting sort of pain would have been bad enough if she’d only fancied one of them. She fancies both. And maybe she fancies Gwen more than she realized. Owen and Gwen tease each other over the autopsy bay, they ignore the work she is trying so hard to focus on, they ignore her. She might as well be invisible. 

Gwen’s private thought was about her outfit. Maybe slightly rude but a not terrible judgement. Why does Gwen disliking her clothes hurt on the level of Owen thinking she's a bore? Are her standards of what she’ll put up with from Owen just that low?

She steels herself and continues onwards as she always does. 

* * *

Torchwood destroys things. Destroys people. Watching Jack send Tosh’s girlfriend to burn up on the sun should be the kind of thing that pushes her moral compass to intervene. She doesn’t. That woman hurt Tosh, all of them really but especially Tosh, and deserves it for what she did. 

She’s reminded of Lisa with Ianto. 

She feels terrible for Tosh. Love looked good on her. Tosh deserved love. She tells her that, later when it’s all over and the pieces are being picked up. 

Gwen doesn’t stop to think about the fact she might deserve that kind of honest love too. 

* * *

There are things Tosh notices around the Hub. That Ianto seems happier, much better off than the man that had those absolutely broken thoughts in his head. 

Jack is stealing more little looks at Ianto. It’s subtle, but it’s there. She wonders if something is going on there. On principle, she’s aware that maybe she should disapprove of her boss sleeping with his employee - his youngest, most emotionally fragile employee). But she can tell it isn’t like that. If there’s an arrangement there, Ianto initiated things and is the one with the power to say when and if things continue. And Jack isn’t like Owen; for all of his conquests (his  _ many _ conquests if you believe half of his stories), it’s just as much, if not more, about the emotional connection for him as it is the physical. It’s about the people. 

Gwen and Owen are still going on, for some reason, but she wonders if either even knows why. It still hurts, but now she wonders what the purpose is. 

She’s aware there’s five of them, and she’s the spare one left out without a partner. The odd one out. All of Torchwood paired off, and Toshiko left to her own devices. Again. 

She continues to watch Gwen from across the Hub at her desk. Across the space where she can’t reach. 

* * *

Gwen likes to watch Tosh work. She can see the determination in her eyes when she is onto something, the reflection of the numbers and codes across the screen reflecting her glasses. Sometimes she’ll break out into a little smile whatever it is she was working out comes through the way she was expecting. 

There’s an earnestness in Tosh. An earnestness Gwen yearns for. 

She stops herself. People having affairs don’t get to lust over another person they can’t have. 

* * *

Tosh’s crush, and that’s all it is, a simple, small little crush she keeps telling herself in vain, is starting to get out of hand. Gwen is the kind of person who likes to chat while she works and takes breaks to walk around in order to refresh her thoughts. She takes the file she was pouring over with her and leans on the desk of the nearest target of her chatter. It isn’t that she doesn’t work, far from it; Gwen can be very immersed in her reports when given the opportunity. It’s that she needs the reset, and movement seems to help her think. 

Toshiko prefers working through until she is done. But for Gwen, for Gwen, she’ll stop. 

Gwen has a boyfriend. 

She’s sleeping with the man Tosh had been hung up on for years. Hung up on. Past tense. 

It occurs to Tosh she isn’t going to win the battle with Owen. She truly believes he is a good person. Under his rough exterior is someone like her: hurt and spurned by the universe. Whereas Tosh deals with her pain by focusing on work and retreating inward, Owen lashes out at the universe in turn. He is capable of being sweet and caring; it’s just...maybe he isn’t meant for her. 

Gwen isn’t meant for her either, but that doesn’t stop the yearning growing in Tosh’s chest every time she talks about how Rhys’ mum was a handful, or the sandwich she’s gotten at Baps, or the new leather jacket she found in the posh new department store. 

And when Gwen stops to compliment, tell her the shade of purple she is wearing brings out her eyes, or comments on the fact the new lipgloss she’d tried shimmers nicely, the butterflies flutter around her stomach. 

This is ridiculous. She has to stop getting crushes on her coworkers. Who’s next after she finally gets over Gwen. Ianto? Jack? This is getting out of control. 

But the butterflies, the way they made Tosh feel? The way Gwen made Tosh feel? She doesn’t want that to stop. Even if it is ridiculous. 

* * *

“That’s all we are in the end, a pile of boxes.” 

Something in Gwen doesn’t want to believe that’s it. Or that Tosh can really believe that's it. Because people have to live on in some way, right? Be memories. 

She doesn’t know how she feels about her life becoming a series of boxes one day. Or how Tosh is just so accepting of it. Well, maybe not accepting because she’s got a good bit of cynicism surrounding her feelings on it. Resigned to it. That sounds more right. People should be more than a pile of their possessions, especially a bright light in this world like Tosh. 

* * *

Tosh wants nothing to do with Suzie. That woman is a murderer who tried to kill Jack. She betrayed them, but worse, she did it all for what? To inflict pain? Tosh helps people; Torchwood helps people. If nothing else, she can hang onto that. 

Gwen is emphatic and sweet and so stupidly naïve when it comes to people like Suzie who use others as chess pieces. Because she wants to see someone that can be saved. Tosh knows she's a broken person given a second chance, but not all people deserve second chances. Sometimes they cross a line hard and fast, and there’s no saving them. She was friends with Suzie, or as close to friends as Suzie allowed anyways. And then Suzie threw it all out to become well and truly evil. The fact that a member of her team could hurt people on purpose… that hurts Tosh. 

Tosh comes into the holding cell with the tray of tea. It’d been Gwen and Ianto doing this previously (and mostly Gwen at that), but this time, she has the short straw. She throws down the platter and moves as quickly as she can to make her exit.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” muses Suzie. 

“No kidding,” she mumbles through gritted teeth. 

“Guess the New Girl will be back later, then. At least she’s pretty to look at, that one…” There’s something uncomfortably calculating in those dead eyes of hers. “You think so too, don’t you?” asks Suzie. 

Tosh feels something in her snap. “If you hurt her in any way…” 

Suzie scoffs. “How could I? Do you see the state I’m in?”

Tosh hurries out the cell and doesn’t look back, because she’s not going to let Suzie reel her in like that. She doesn’t trust her as far as Tosh can throw her undead corpse. 

Suzie does hurt Gwen, in the end. She feels angry at Gwen for endangering herself by falling for Suzie’s ploy, but Tosh recognizes that anger is born out of worry. They solve the locked-in trap, and she successfully leads Jack to the location. She feels no remorse as several rounds are shot through Suzie. She deserves it.

* * *

The proximity alarm to the Hub mocks her. It’s too loud and makes her presence too known. Gwen doesn’t want anyone to know she’s here, or why. Her overnight bag has been hastily packed, but she doesn’t see herself bothering to change into the two-piece pajama set. The others would likely notice she hadn’t changed clothes from yesterday; Ianto for sure would. He’d always been entirely too observant with that sort of thing. 

Owen would make some comment asking if she’d been on the pull, and wouldn’t that just be salt in the wound?

Jack would try to get her to open up and give her some platitude about keeping connections on the outside. She’d probably end up crying. 

She isn’t sure she can face Tosh. Something about having this conversation with her in particular feels unbearable in a way that hurts worse than the others. Even telling Owen, who while not the one at fault for this, was certainly...culpable, would hurt less than telling Tosh. 

She hears the pterodactyl screech above. Yet another thing that is entirely too loud in the echoing caverns of the Hub. She tosses her bag onto the tattered couch and puts her head to her knees. 

_ Shit. Shit. Shit.  _

She looks up and sees Jack standing over her, Webley in hand. He looks shocked when he sees her. 

“Christ. I thought you were going back to Ianto’s,” she tells him. “That’s what you implied earlier, anyways.” 

“Gwen? What the hell? I was one step away from putting this place on lockdown for intrusion and shooting you in the head.” 

“Did you not notice me on the CCTV? Or scanning my ID?”

He puts his gun back in its holster and crosses his arms. 

“What are you doing here, Gwen?” 

The waterworks start (again), her resolve just breaking then and there. “I broke up with my boyfriend. My boyfriend who I live with. I needed to get out of the bloody house because staying the night in the same small flat was not really something I was wanting to do after that particular screaming match—I can get the rest of my stuff tomorrow and go from there. So I figured why not just sleep at work? It’s midnight I can’t exactly crash in on anyone else. And here we are.” 

The tears keep falling down her face; she opts to hide them in her hands again instead. She peers through her fingers just ever so slightly to see a second pair of feet approaching the couch. Ianto. She looks up. Ianto is there. He’s dressed back in his same suit from earlier, but the sleeves are undone, and he’s missed a few buttons near the collar. Ah. So they both hadn’t made it home, then.

Ianto sits next to her, takes her hand, and places something in it.

“Keys. To my flat. The sheets are freshly laundered as of this morning, or there’s the couch if you’re not comfortable with that. I can walk you there.”

“You really don’t need to…” 

“Gwen. I’m walking you there.” 

He makes her a coffee before they leave and then leads her out of the hub. They sit awkwardly together in Ianto’s car.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly...happened?” he tries.

“I told him. I told Rhys about...Owen. And then I Retconned him. I know. I know that was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it. I  _ know,  _ okay. And I felt so guilty so when he awoke from the sedative, I told him again, for real this time. That I cheated. The stress of the job, what we do, it’s been eating me alive. Not what we actually do just, you know, that there’s cases we can’t talk about. But there’s just been so much utter  _ shit.  _ I told him about the cannibals in the Beacons, since no aliens... that’s safe enough, you know? He knew I was hurt, just not the details. He said I sound tramuzied...I yelled at him ‘no bloody fucking kidding’”. 

Ianto flinches; the cannibals had been a bad one for him, she knew, and she wonders if maybe it’d affected him more than he let on. No one had left that particular escapade entirely okay. She shoots him a thin-lipped smile, but he silently encourages her to keep going. 

“I think we’ve been...well, we’ve been moving in different directions. He got that manager job, and I’m making so much money I thought I needed to hide it from it. We’ve been taking it all out on each other, screaming, and maybe I wasn’t letting him in entirely even before Torchwood. Before everything. And maybe...this was a long time coming.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ianto offers. “That sounds like...well a lot.” 

“You had your own night planned; I dropped this on you.”

“I might have but now, I’m here for you. And I can always pick back up where I was later. You, on the other hand, need help now. Anyone you want me to call? Those mates of yours—what are their names? Megan and Trina?” 

“I’ll call them tomorrow—I’m sure Banana and Daf have already told them through the grapevine. This hour be damned. Although if they have heard, they haven’t exactly...called me.” 

“I can call Tosh…”

Gwen shoots him a look like a deer in the headlights. 

“Not Tosh.” 

“Okay…” he says with some obvious trepidation. 

She hugs him. Torchwood is mad and insular, but at least she has friends she can count on inside of it. 

* * *

Tosh sees Gwen come into work the next morning. She’s clearly not slept well and is out of it. What’s weirder is she comes in with Ianto. 

They’re friends, those two, but Gwen usually comes in last or second-to-last; she and Owen are in silent competition for the crown of biggest non-morning person on staff. Whereas Ianto Is usually the first in, aside from Jack who lives here. If anything, she’d expect Ianto to come in with Jack. 

She watches Jack carefully. Whatever is going on with Gwen, she suspects Jack knows. “Hey are you...feeling better?” Jack asks carefully. 

“Yeah, still a long road ahead but...better as I can be. This is a bit awkward, but can I have a few hours to pack up some things today? Obviously, I can give them up if there’s a call; I just…” 

Why would Gwen be packing? Something has happened. Tosh knows that much. She busies herself at the computer, trying not to pry, but a mix of curiosity and concern is now eating away at her. Something’s wrong, and Gwen is clearly not okay. 

Half an hour later, Owen saunters in, and Gwen’s face pales completely. She avoids him and the others. Even Jack and Ianto, who seem to know what’s going on. 

“Okay, what’s with her?” asks Owen. 

“I was wondering if you knew,” says Tosh honestly. 

She goes over to Gwen’s station. They do this all the time, although usually it’s Gwen visiting her. 

“Gwen, are you alright?”

She looks at her with those large doe eyes of hers. It’s obvious now she’d been crying, and Tosh feels something fall apart inside of her. Suddenly, all she wants to do is hold Gwen. 

Gwen manages to slowly shake her head back and forth. No. 

“Oh, Gwen. What…?”

“I broke up with Rhys.” 

“Oh, Gwen.” Suddenly, she’s hugging Gwen. Of the two of them, Gwen is the more physically affectionate, more prone to hugging, but she needs this. Tosh can tell she needs this. 

Gwen is crying now, against her. “I’m leaving soon for a few hours, gonna clean the flat out of some of my stuff. Ianto helped me find a month-to-month rental on the quick last night. Torchwood salary, being able to put an insane amount down, helps with the rental process, I guess.” 

“Do you need...help?” 

She’s seen Gwen’s flat once or twice. It’s small but full of lots of clutter. Figuring out what belongs to who could potentially be a bit of a task. 

Gwen shakes her head back and forth. “No. No. I need to do this on my own. Rhys might be by while I’m there; we might talk about a few more things. Not getting back together; that ship has sailed, but well, how this is all going to work. Us. Separating. Me moving out.”

“Oh, Gwen.” 

“The silver lining is I dodged having Brenda as a mother-in-law,” she jokes weakly. 

Tosh hugs her tightly, again. Gwen’s hugs just feel amazing. 

She feels incredibly guilty for the thought that flits through her mind: “She no longer has a boyfriend. What’s stopping you now?” 

* * *

She hears Ianto’s voice come over the comm. “Gwen, can you get to Sage Street?” 

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“We need Tosh.” 

Gwen isn’t sure why yet, but she can feel her face pale. 

“The Rift monitor sounded,” Ianto continues. “She's with Jack, but both their phones are dead, and we can't access her files.”

There’s no answer, and she doesn’t see them. But the SUV’s there. Good. Good. They’re probably; they’re just...they probably lost track of time. She reports back to the Hub. 

She calls for them. All she hears in response is, oddly, the haunting sound of a saxophone. She feels her nerves fry. 

They have to get Tosh and Jack back. Gwen realises it’s selfish but she can’t go on without them. If they’re gone and stuck and not coming back, then she’s lost two of the most important people in her life at once. Jack could make it back, eventually. If he really can’t die and really has lived all those decades, then maybe he’ll just...live them again. 

But Tosh. She’ll lose Tosh. She’ll die before Gwen is even born. And Gwen’s not letting that happen. She won’t. 

There has to be a way to bring them back. There has to be. 

Billis Manger tells her she looks worried. The emotions that dance on her face must be interesting. Because of course. Of course she’s worried. She loves them too much to lose them like this, to be so close and not be able to bring them back. And that’s before factoring in that Billis, even with his nice old caretaker act, is seriously freaking her out. He’s….out of time, as she’ll eventually tell Owen and Ianto. 

Gwen is alone with her thoughts in the car watching the dance hall. Wondering if whatever Owen and Ianto are up to will work. 

Then she sees them. First Jack, always in that coat of his. A big, long hug to Jack for making it. And then Tosh. Her beautiful Toshiko. 

Gwen can’t help the smile that melts into her face. 

“Yes, I’m alright,” says Tosh with a smile of her own. Gwen doesn’t want to break the hug ever now that she’s back. 

* * *

Billis Manager sends her a vision of her mother. Tosh has not seen her mother in person in years. She’s been allowed phone calls, but to see her standing there…it's an unreal feeling. Owen tells her to stop messing about. Reality feels like it’s slipping from her. 

Something doesn’t feel right or real. Like something is supposed to happen. Or like something has happened differently already, and she hasn’t caught up with what it is just yet. She feels like she’s beginning to have an out-of-body experience. 

She isn’t even fully aware when she writes out Rift equations that she'll need later. Will she need them later? She can’t quite piece together why she feels so strongly compelled to do this. 

And then the intruder alarm sounds. 

The bullet hits her body. She doesn’t see it coming. She only has vague awareness of Billis’ insistence that he has to do this and that it should have been different. 

* * *

Billis Manger sends people visions. He walks through time periods like others dance through crowds. 

The vision Gwen sees of Tosh is her dead on the Hub floor. Bleeding out from gun shots. 

_ “I hope I did good,”  _ says a recording of Tosh in the vision, a recording as her corpse lies there. No. No. That’s not happening. Gwen isn’t going to let that happen. 

“Gwen,” Jack tells her. “Whatever it was, it’s not real.” 

“And I suppose you want to chance that!” she screams. “I’m not going to lose her!” 

That’s when the security monitors flare. And they find Toshiko’s corpse on the ground. 

They say things they don’t mean. They find the Rift equations Tosh had written out. Tempers explode. And the Rift is open. It’s one of those moments that when things calm down, they’ll look at with regret. But right now, it feels like the only course of action. 

Tosh comes back to life as if nothing has happened, as if she’d always just been in the Hub. Gwen feels relief like she’s never felt before, not even when Tosh was trapped in the 1940s. 

Then Jack doesn’t come back. The relief at seeing Tosh after coming so close to losing her is replaced with a new worry. 

* * *

There was nothing in the dark, just like Suzie had said. Toshiko can kind of remember it, and kind of not. She doesn’t think she’s supposed to remember that timeline, such as it was, at all, but something allows her to. She isn’t going to pry and figure that out. She likes knowing the answer to questions, but this one…something is telling her not to touch this one and live in the now. 

Mostly she just remembers being in the Hub and the desperate hugs everyone gave her. That Gwen gave her. 

But now all she knows is sadness. Watching Gwen keep vigil in her firm belief that Jack can cheat death, after days and days of refusing to leave his side. 

Watching Owen hide tears he claims he doesn’t have and choke down screams. 

And watching Ianto sneak to Jack’s office when he thinks he isn’t being watched, sobbing into that daft coat. 

She’d come back from the dead. Jack hadn’t. Jack, who is supposed to always come back. 

She feels the hope die in the Hub. 

And then he wakes up. 

* * *

Jack left. 

There is no explanation. No words exchanged. Gwen can feel her knuckles go white as she clenches her first. She thought they were more to him. The team. 

“So how do we...do this?” asks Ianto hesitantly. He’s usually not the one to speak up first. He doesn’t need to define “this”; they all know what he means. It’s been a week. Jack’s still gone. And now Whitehall is up on their necks, wanting to know how things are going. And their fearless leader isn’t there to take the calls. 

“I’m technically second in-command,” begins Owen, and everyone shoots him daggers, “but I get the feeling no one’s exactly feeling like following me to the ends of the universe, is that right?” 

The matching side-eyed looks they all shoot at him confirm his suspicions. 

“You opened the Rift,” Tosh reminds him. 

“Well, Tea boy shot me, so I’m not following him into battle,” says Owen. 

Ianto impressively rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue the point. There’s still some lingering trust issues there after Lisa that are largely going unsaid. 

“I don’t want to be in charge,” says Tosh. “And I’m not sure the terms of my employment here would even let me be.”

Gwen’s face scrunches up in confusion. What does that mean? 

“So that leaves…” Ianto trails off. All eyes are suddenly on Gwen, and she feels her own eyes widen as far they can. 

“No. No, no, I can’t. I’m still so green, I’ve fucked up so much, and there’s still so much I’m learning. I can’t be…”

“You’re qualified,” Tosh assures her. “Suzie wasn’t here much longer than you when she got bumped up to second, and you’re already better at this than her by a long shot.” 

“Bit of a low bar when you phrase it like that,” says Owen. “But I agree; I think Cooper can handle it…”

“Gwen has my vote,” says Ianto. 

Gwen takes some deep breaths. “Okay. Okay. But I can’t run things exactly like Jack. Ianto, you know the paperwork and the international agencies really well, and I’ve seen your penmanship. You can definitely forge Jack’s signatures when we need it. Can you...be in charge of the PA stuff?”

“I’m perfectly comfortable doing that,” he says. 

“Okay, Owen. You can take lead on some tactile stuff during retrievals; you’re pretty good with the maneuvers and everything. Just make sure you’re clearing any bigger decisions with the team, yeah?”

“Righty-o, boss,” he says with a sarcastic kind of forced cheer. But she’s pretty sure underneath he’s truly okay with that compromise of sorts. 

“And Tosh, help Ianto with the digital side of things, the online paperwork plus the Rift monitoring like normal, if that’s okay?” 

She gives her a large smile. “I can do that.”

“Me, I can handle the local side of things, the police and the local councils. I can also help Ianto with the phone lines, so it seems like we’re at least fully staffed enough to have two PAs. Official line is that Jack's in a deep cover mission right now, okay?”

There are nods all around. Leading. Okay. Okay, she can do this. She can do this at least until Jack is back. 

Tosh comes over after. Gwen can still feel the tensions in her knuckles, still feel the pent-up stress. 

“You’ve really, really got this under control,” Tosh tells her. “You’re already delegating and playing to everyone’s strengths. Owen is, well, he’s Owen, but he’ll definitely listen to you.”

Gwen’s hair is in her face, and neither she nor Toshiko are fully aware as Tosh goes to move it out the way. “I believe in you in Gwen.” And that’s all it takes for the tension Gwen feels to start melting away. 

* * *

It’s two week before Valentine’s, and Tosh twists her ankle on a retrieval. It’s fine, really, she tells herself. Absolutely fine. Owen doesn't agree and insists that she sees him. 

“Well, you’re right; it isn’t broken, and it should be all healed up if you stay off it for about...three days.” 

“Well, that’s just miserable,” she can’t help but grouse slightly. “Any suggestions as to how to bide my time?” 

“You wouldn’t be a fan of the way I bide my time…”

“Seriously? That’s where your mind went with that?” 

Owen shrugs. Then he looks at her and sighs. 

“So I saw the opera tickets on your desk. Two tickets. Did you get yourself a date?”

“That isn’t you asking me, is it? Trying to get my ticket from me?” 

“Ummm no.” Then he sighs again. “You’re not still chasing after me, are you, Tosh?” 

“I’m over that. I’m well and truly over that…” She’s surprised by how definitely she can say it.

“Oh. Not going to lie. I’m going to miss the puppy eyes you used to give me.” 

“What? I tell you I’m not interested and suddenly you are? That seems a bit primary school..” 

He rolls his eyes. “It’s not that, Tosh.”

“Alright, then. Well, I hope we can still be... well, we’re friends, right?”

“I don’t have a lot of those,” says Owen. “But I guess you lot count...just don’t tell Ianto I said that.” 

“Secret’s safe with me.” 

“So they’re not for me, and I haven’t seen you around anyone new lately ,so that would mean the tickets are for...Gwen maybe?” 

Tosh feels her cheeks get hot. “What would...make you think that?” 

“Tosh, you’re a bit...obvious when you like someone.” 

She winces. 

“Tosh, listen I know I can be a twat. Just whatever is and isn’t going to happen, just make sure you’re ready for it. That you’re both ready for it. You don’t want to be a rebound, and Gwen doesn’t always think before she acts on something.” 

“Is this the ‘don’t get yourself hurt, Tosh?’ speech?”

“Huh. Guess so.”

“I’m not going to go for it. Pining...that’s what I do.” 

“Now, are you going to ask me how your crush is in bed? Because she does this one thing…”

“Owen! Oh, come on, we were just having a moment. Do you have to ruin it?” 

He rolls his eyes. She thinks that maybe that was a weird attempt at a joke. She doesn’t get Owen’s jokes most of the time. Too harsh, too off-colour. She doesn’t get Ianto’s either for that matter, too deadpan and hardly ever followed up with any indication that it had been a joke in the first place. But maybe? Maybe that was one. 

Owen, for all of his rough edges, is a friend. A good friend, possibly even a best one.

“Wait, Owen,” she says. “Since I’m not going for it, how would you like to go to the opera with me, after all? As a friend thing. You know, a couple of lonely hearts together on Valentine’s Day…?” 

* * *

She really did love Rhys. She really did see herself with him forever. Could imagine their lives going forever forward. Now she’s alone. Now that chapter is really over. And she’s okay with the fact it is; it really is better that way. But now this stupid pink holiday is rolling around to remind her “Rhys and Gwen forever” is no longer the future. 

It’s a stupid holiday. Made up by card companies…or that’s the line Trina always said when she was single. Gwen never believed it, really, and always liked the holiday. She has so many wonderful memories of dinner and dancing and...oh no. If she continues now that route, she is absolutely going to end up crying. 

What do single people do on Valentine’s? Stuff themselves full of chocolate? Go out and find a partner at the last minute, maybe. She misses Rhys even if she doesn’t actually want to get back together with him, and the only other person she would even consider wanting to spend it with is well...Tosh.

She doesn’t deserve Tosh. And she doubts Tosh would feel the same way. The opera tickets she’d spied on her desk had definitely been meant for Owen. 

Her mother calls her. Her mother, who just feels so badly for her, breaking up with Rhys. Who, just wants to catch up with her baby girl...conveniently on Valentine’s Day night. That’s either a ploy to set her up with some mediocre man from Swansea or a distraction technique to make her feel better about missing him.

“I don’t know if I can get off work, Mam…” she starts.

But then, she supposes if she and Rhys were still...well, she’d be out with him. Wouldn’t she? And she’s practically worked herself to death, playing leader to the lot of them, a role she still didn’t really necessarily  _ want _ . 

“Okay. Let’s have dinner.” 

And so Gwen Cooper is unreachable on Valentine’s Day night. 

* * *

It’s Valentine’s Day night. 

Toshiko finds herself very drunk waiting for Owen to show up to an opera about to begin, only for Ianto to show up instead. 

“Whoa, nice tux,” she says. 

And then through the next string of conversation, she finds out Owen threw her invitation in the bin (which Ianto then had to fish out), was deliberately avoiding her because he did not in fact want to be on a not-date, and that the opera has been overrun by aliens. 

In the middle of it all, they find themselves on the roof of the Millennium Centre as Ianto dresses Tosh’s wounds with his now-ruined suit. 

“Tosh, why did you give that invitation to Owen instead of Gwen?” 

“Because I chickened out? Because if Owen’s unattainable, then Gwen is on Mount Olympus. Wait. Does everyone know about that or…oh, God, does Gwen know?”

“Gwen’s great with people...until she’s the direct subject. Then it’s like a brick wall of obliviousness.”

“Kind of comforting.” 

She sighs. “Maybe it’s a sign I should give up.”

“On Torchwood?”

“On Gwen. Owen too. Just all of this romance stuff.” 

“Honestly, I’d encourage you to keep trying to go for Owen, but that’s not even what you want, is it?”

“I guess it’s... not. It’s really not.”

“Then keep trying with Gwen. She’ll notice, eventually.” 

“To keep trying with Gwen implies I’ve even tried. Maybe if I had, she’d come along with me. If I’d actually asked her like I wanted to, we’d be on a nice semi-date and manage to get a hold of you for back-up. Three of us against what’s going on in there versus two.”

“Sorry,” says Ianto softly. 

She shoots him a little half-smile. “I’m glad you’re here though.”

They talk more, and they bond, and they learn about each other. The day isn’t exactly saved, but the mission is over, and they can at least take comfort in the fact they’ve formed a pretty solid friendship. 

They spend just a tad longer on the roof together after it's all over. Tosh screams at the heavens and curses Owen. They take in the view. And the next day, Gwen looks like a goldfish that’d just become aware of the cat as she slowly starts to piece together what she missed over the course of her dinner with her mother in Swansea. That is strangely satisfying. 

* * *

The world is ending. They have the answer to where Jack is, and selfishly, Gwen wishes they didn’t. Not knowing was kinder than knowing where he is and that he can’t be helped while that madman tortures him. They play them footage when they get near, the round things, the Toclafane. Footage of what they’re doing to Jack. The pain they’re inflicting on him. 

They haven’t gotten close enough to kill any of the team yet, just taunt at a distance as they run away. But there have been too many close calls. 

The warehouse they’re camped in smells stale, a bit like mold. Gwen fights every instinct to cough, because, dear god no, wouldn’t coughing give them away? Abandon their position?

“Gwen,” Tosh says silently in a whisper. The boys are out together getting supplies. They’ve gotten good at that, sneaking in and out of what used to be corner stores. 

“I think we’re safe here for now.”

Gwen shakes her head back and forth. “Don’t think we’re ever safe during all this. Every time we let our guard down...there they are.” 

Tosh moves closer to her. Their hands are near but not touching. 

“End of the world,” says Tosh. 

Gwen looks at her. “Yeah…”

“You know,” says Tosh with some boldness. “If it’s the end of the world, it might be time to say some things left unsaid.” 

“Yeah. There’s something, there’s something I want to say...or really do. Something I’ve been holding back a really long time,” says Gwen. Because the world is ending, they’ve almost died so many times, and it’s literally now or never. 

She leans in for an open-mouthed kiss.

“I think I love you,” says Tosh between desperate kisses and desperate closeness that has built up over the course of almost a year. 

“I love you too,” says Gwen. She needs this. She needs Tosh. They have to make it through this together or it was for nothing. 

Two days later, they’re both killed. 

One month later, the timeline is erased completely. No one dies, but no one confesses their love either.

* * *

The Himalayas are a wild goose chase. It’s cold and terrible, and tempers are starting to flare. Owen’s dislike of camping is compounded by the fact there’s snow, and he’s taking it out on Ianto. Gwen’s intervention is being seen as taking sides, and now, Owen is directing his ire at her. Ianto is in one of his quiet “I really miss Jack” phases where, outside of snapping at Owen, he isn’t really opening up to or interacting with anyone again. All of Toshiko’s attempts are met with a little half-smile. 

They return to base. Owen is suddenly very thankful for Ianto bringing his coffee maker on an international mountaineering trip, and all seems to be forgiven as the hot beverages melt away the snits they’re all in. Ianto is still just a little too pensive, something Gwen and even Owen are now aware of, but the other two seem to silently agree that in this particular moment, letting him work through it himself is going to be the best course of action. 

Bedtime rolls around, and Tosh is having trouble adjusting to the cold. She’s reminded of the trip to Russia she’d taken and the harsh colds then. She peers over to Gwen’s sleeping bag and sees she’s having much the same problem settling in. 

There’s no real words exchanged between them as Gwen offers to hold her closer for warmth. It isn’t sexual, Tosh tells herself. It isn’t romantic. They’re simply...freezing. Sharing body heat. But they both sleep so much better cuddled as close as they can possibly be. 

They go back to Cardiff not long after, having realized that everything was...well, an excuse to get them out of the way. 

And Tosh can’t help thinking about Gwen. 

Then Jack shows back up. And everything is upended again. 


End file.
